Jan. 1st, 2020

red chucks

Mingle with the good people we meet
Good friends we have, now
Good friends we have lost
Along the way
In this great future,
You can't forget your past
So dry your tears, I say

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


march of dimes for drayke.

phoenix - strength
i wanted to put this out there for people. i'm sure you all remember lorri and drayke (lorri is his mum). they are from one of my due date communities. drayke was supposed to be born in july of 2008. sadly, he was born in april. he had a long fight ahead of him and overcame a lot of obstacles! sadly, he had a lot of health problems due to his premature birth, and lost his fight on january 26th, 2009 just a few days shy of 9 months old.

lorri is walking in the march of dimes in april, and is looking for donations to sponsor her. i know these days money can be tight, but any little bit can help!

if you don't remember drayke, or his story, go here to drayke's blog. (warning, drayke passed away. there are photos and blogs about all that happened. this warning is for anyone that may be sensitive to that stuff.)

to donate to lorri for the march of dimes walk, you can follow links on drayke's blog, or go here, to drayke's march of dimes page.

*i've spoken to lorri a few times, and she's welcomed my posting this to help her spread the word :)

spring cleaning.

red chucks
maybe we friended a long time ago, but as people and lifestyles change you might be finding you have less and less in common with me.

or maybe we recently friended and after reading through my journal some, find that we have really nothing in common.

just cleaning the old friends list. carry on.

fall cleaning

red chucks
it's time again to do a cleaning of the friends list.

if you suddenly can't see my posts and feel this is in error, let me know.

i'm cutting people who are inactive and such. nothing personal.

you're fired.

red chucks
if you can see these few public entries and nothing else, then that means i've removed you from my friends list. be it because we don't talk anymore, i don't like you, you don't like me, whatever.

happy trails to you.

change of plans.

red chucks
not going to chicago tonight afterall. just far too much i need to catch up on after not having power for those couple of days. and with the rush i'd be in, i'd go to shave my legs, get dressed, and bleed all over my jeans, since my psoriasis has come back with a vengance.

so, i called kasey and let her know. sounds like it worked out for both of us, as her furnature was delivered today, so her apartment needs organized. anyway, only a few more loads of laundry, mopping, and dishes, and i should be done. aside from shaving my legs. i'll even have some spare time to burn a few CD's for the trip. awesome.

Feb. 22nd, 2006

red chucks
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."

~John F. Kennedy


Sep. 21st, 2005

red chucks
i made it through the night. i do not know how.

i was informed via WoW last night by derek's (now former) friend kristin that they knew about me. about us. that he had told them. she asked if i had heard from him. i said i talked to him on sunday. he called me after that, on sunday night, but i missed the call and he just left voice mail. i asked why.

she told me that after he told them about me, they did exactly what he was always terrified they would do.... leave him. they told him they no longer wanted to be friends. and that sunday night derek called nate crying, and saying he was going to kill himself. i don't know if this was before or after he called me. she said that they had been worried about him, even though they did what they did on saturday, as no one had heard from him. she said pete, his co-worker, said in WoW that derek hadn't shown up for work in two days.

(if they were honestly so worried, i don't know why they told me all of this, and didn't get off their asses to see if he was ok... or why, after derek called saying he was going to kill himself, nate didn't call the police, or derek's parents....)

i drove to ISU to check on derek. him missing work is just not like him. i got to the suite, and started asking for people i knew were living there agin this year. andres wasn't there, but a few others were. no one had seen derek for several days. one even mentioned that he wasn't at class monday for an accounting exam. i went to the ra and told him what was going on. he got his bosses, and they said they may have me file a missing persons report.

after telling them everything the others had told me about him not having be seen, i said i'd feel a lot better if they could check his room. they got the ISU police involved, and after a while, we all went to his door.

they knocked, announcing themselves. they opened the door, and i saw the lights were on. he wasn't on the bed, nor in his computer chair. the officer couldn't get the door all the way opened, and he looked at the floor people. that's when they grabbed my shoulders and tried to lead me away. i started to sob, hitting the floor. i asked if he was in there, and the officer just looked at me. i asked again, and he nodded. i said i didn't believe him, because i didn't see derek. he then informed me that derek had hung himself from the towel rack on the back of the door. that's why he couldn't open it.

i lost it. i looked at the door, and through the crack, i could see derek hanging there.

the man i loved for nearly four years. the man who told me he love me, just two weeks ago. who came here on the train, slept in my bed, and held me in his arms all night long.

i don't remember a lot after that. i sobbed. i was barely able to call audra. she came up. shelly came up. someone finally got ahold of andres and he was there, as were eddie and danielle. people i knew. people who knew derek and i.

i answered questions. i gave info. i was told that (around 1am) they had notified his parents, and that all communication would now go through them. but that at the end of things, his case would be open, so i could get information. i could know if he called me right before he did it.

i thought derek knew that he always had me, even if his so-called friends bailed on him. i always told him that if they could leave him all because he wanted to be happy with me, someone they didn't approve of, they weren't worth having as friends.

i guess my love wasn't enough.

i'm angry. i'm angry at him for doing this. for not telling me "i need someone to talk to". at ehm for not doing something when he called and said, whilst crying, he was going to kill himself. at them for not caring enough to do something then, instead of waiting two days, and having me do something. for making me have to be the one to find him. to make me be the one to have the image of him hanging from that door forever burned into my mind. at him for not giving me the chance to call him back sunday night.

and i'm sad. i cry, non stop. i feel empty, dead. he told me i knew him better than anyone. and i still cared about him. that he was more greatful to me for that than i would ever know. but i didn't see this. i couldn't stop this. if only i had had lunch with him on sunday. if only i hadn't missed that last call he made to me.
red chucks
Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing -- NOTHING -- to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.


Michael Moore

Aug. 27th, 2005

red chucks
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

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